


Pride

by maggs689



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Homophobia, Lacrosse Team, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25351291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maggs689/pseuds/maggs689
Summary: A high school lacrosse AU.
Relationships: Nathan MacKinnon/Cale Makar
Comments: 8
Kudos: 71





	Pride

**Author's Note:**

> Please note homophobia and being closeted in a very straight environment is a major theme of this fic. There is angst but also a happy ending. 
> 
> Also please note that a character uses a homophobic slur at one point and there is mention of physical abuse.

2020 

Cale took Nate’s hand as they came down the hill on Valley Road, nearing the high school. “You ready for this?” Cale asked, noticing the set of Nate’s jaw.

“Yup, I’m fine,” Nate said, his voice a little tight. 

“Okay,” Cale squeezed his hand. They walked quietly, enjoying the early summer weather. They were only in town for the afternoon to sign the papers for the sale of Nate’s parents’ house and then they were going on vacation, getting on a plane and flying far away from this little town.

When the school came into view - the red brick Gothic building, the performing arts annex, the lacrosse stadium - Nate stopped walking. “Do you see that?” he gasped. 

“They put up a-

“A pride flag. They put up a pride flag at the lacrosse stadium.”

Cale smiled and put his arm around Nate, pulling him closer. “I told you things here have changed.”

Nate laid his head on Cale’s shoulder and sighed. “I didn’t know how much.”

“C’mon,” Cale said, taking Nate’s hand again. They walked down the hill toward the rainbow flag, the sun at their backs.

***

1994 

“Gentlemen!” Coach Bednar shouted. “Circle up!”

Cale followed the coach to where the varsity lacrosse team had gathered in a circle in the middle of the practice field. When all of the players knelt, Cale found a spot and knelt with them.

“We’ve got our first game at Valley Catholic in two weeks so for the rest of the year you’re going to spend your gym period in the weight room. We’re running full practices each afternoon.” The whole lacrosse team groaned. “I don’t want to hear it!” Bednar shouted in response. “Some of you are looking pretty scrawny and I’m not going to have the smallest team in the division!”

Cale looked around the circle, his eyes falling on a tall blonde boy with wide shoulders and a crooked nose. Nate MacKinnon and his teammates already looked pretty big to him.

“Now,” Bednar said, coming over to put his hand on Cale’s shoulder, “this is Makar.” Cale nodded at the team, his cheeks blazing. “I pulled him out of the J.V. tryout because he was running circles around the starters. I’m going to try him out in midfield.”

“Coach,” Nate stood up, “we’re deep at midfield-”

“This isn’t a democracy, MacKinnon,” Bednar barked out. “All of you, five laps and then we’re running plays.”

Cale stood while the rest of the team milled around.

“Go!” Bednar yelled, prodding Cale in the back. “Make it 10 laps.”

He fell in the back of the pack of players as they ran the perimeter of the field, the clouds of their breath hovering in the cold afternoon air. It had snowed only a week before and it still felt raw enough to be winter, even though it was the first week of March.

“Hey,” a curly-haired boy fell into step beside Cale. “I’m Andre.”

"Hi, I’m Cale,” he responded, giving the boy a polite smile. He had seen Andre around school, usually in a cluster of lacrosse players, but had never spoken to him. 

“Are you a junior?” Andre asked.

“A sophomore,” Cale said. 

“Wow,” Andre said. “Sophomores never make varsity. A couple juniors I played with on J.V. didn’t even make it.”

Cale shrugged, trying to look casual while running at a good clip. “I’m new here so I don’t really know how things work.” Cale had only started at Ridge Valley High School the fall before.

“Well, congrats man,” Andre said as they stopped running. They joined the players at midfield, hunched over with their hands on their knees.

“Some of you need conditioning,” Bednar said, a frown on his face. “What have they been doing in the off-season, Nate?”

“Sir,” Nate said as he straightened up. He was wearing the captain’s letter on his practice jersey. “We’ve been working on it.”

Bednar scoffed and then set to dividing them up into scrimmage teams. Cale was put on a middie line with Andre and another junior. Most of the seniors were on the opposing team. Nate was their center attackman. 

They scrimmaged for an hour with full checking, Nate running Cale’s team’s defense into the turf over and over again. On one play, Cale tried to check Nate as he barreled toward him. Nate turned, throwing his body weight back on Cale and knocking him off of his feet, snarling, “move, loser,” as he streaked toward the goal. When Cale looked up, Nate was celebrating with his teammates and being lifted off the ground by Erik Johnson, a terrifyingly tall defenseman with no front teeth behind his mouth guard.

“Here,” Andre said, holding out his hand to help Cale up. “That was a good play.”

“He wiped me out,” Cale mumbled, repositioning his shoulder pads in his practice jersey. 

“Yeah, but Nate usually kills guys when he does that move. You survived.”

Cale laughed bitterly. “I guess,” he said. When he looked down the field, Nate was strutting in front of the goal with his arms out. He gave Cale a nod. “Nice try, Makar,” he shouted.

***

After practice, Cale gathered up his backpack and his gym bag and headed out of the school building. 

“Hey,” he heard someone yell as he passed through the parking lot on his way home. 

When Cale turned, he saw Nate, wearing Ridge Valley sweats and standing by a BMW with a LAX sticker. 

“Hi,” Cale called, squinting at him in the dim afternoon light. The streetlights were already coming on. It was 4:30 but it would be dark shortly.

Nate walked toward him. “Do you need a ride?”

“No thanks,” Cale said, waving and starting to turn away.

“Hey, c’mon, I was just hazing you a little at practice,” Nate smirked, tossing his keys up in the air and catching them. “No hard feelings.”

“Tell that to the bruise on my ass tomorrow,” Cale shot back.

“I’ll probably knock you on your ass again tomorrow,” Nate said. 

“Great, looking forward to it,” Cale said with a straight face and headed out of the parking lot. As he walked home on Valley Road, Nate drove past, honking the horn loudly. EJ hung out of the passenger side window and whooped in Cale’s direction as they passed.

“Idiots,” Cale muttered to himself.

***

Cale met Andre in the weight room the next morning during second period for their weightlifting session. 

“Nate left the schedule here for us and I can walk you through it,” Andre said, fastening a bandanna around his forehead to keep his hair off of his face. “Let’s warm up first.”

They stretched and did their dynamic flexibility exercises - walking lunges and toe touches across the room and back - while chatting about their class schedules. Then they spent twenty minutes on ladder drills before setting up the squat rack. 

“I’ll spot you first,” Cale said, coming around behind Andre. 

“Okay. Nate wants us to start with 150 and increase by ten pounds every three days.”

“What’s his deal anyway?” Cale said, trying to keep his eyes forward and his face a normal color as he helped Andre lift the bar onto his shoulders. 

“Who, Nate?” Andre gutted out as he squatted down and stood back up again. He squatted four more times before he stopped for a breath. “What do you mean?” 

Cale shrugged and helped Andre re-rack the bar. “I don’t know, he seems like kind of an asshole.”

“He was named varsity captain as a junior,” Andre said. They switched places and Cale lined himself up under the bar, squatting as Andre talked. “He was 6 foot in the sixth grade and he’s been super popular forever. Plus his dad is loaded so he’s pretty cocky.”

“Pretty cocky,” Cale said, his breath coming hard as he squatted the weight. “That’s an understatement.” 

“He’s been cool to me but he can be a dick if you get on his bad side,” Andre said, guiding the bar back onto the rack. “Last year, there was a guy he was really close with, this guy named Tyson-”

“Hey!”

Cale and Andre turned to see Nate in the doorway of the gym. 

“Nate, I’m sorry, I didn’t know-

“Is this gossip hour or the gym, Burakovsky?” Nate shouted at them, cutting Andre off.

Andre dropped his head in shame. “Sorry, Nate.”

“Get the fuck out of here,” Nate said, coming up to them and grabbing at Andre’s arm to push him toward the door. “Not you,” he said to Cale, guiding him back toward the squat rack.

"I have to get to English,” Cale muttered.

“You have a few more reps to do first, rook,” Nate growled at him, setting up behind Cale to spot him.

“But I-”

“Makar, I’m not going to say it again,” Nate said. Cale lifted the bar and started his squats all over again. As he squatted, Nate set his hand on Cale’s lower back. “How’s your ass today?”

"What?” Cale blurted out in surprise, wincing as his voice cracked. 

“From practice yesterday?” Nate said, sounding quietly amused. 

“Oh,” Cale said as Nate lifted the bar off of his shoulders. “My ass is fine.”

“Hmm,” Nate said, almost to himself as he re-racked the weights. “You had better shower and get to class. Can’t have one of my starters fail out before the season starts.”

Cale nodded and headed for the door. When he reached the doorway, he turned back to Nate, who was loading plates onto the bar. “See you at practice?”

“What about lunch?” Nate said as he pulled on his weight lifting gloves. 

“What about lunch?”

“You have sixth period lunch,” Nate said, looking straight at Cale. For the first time, Cale noticed Nate’s ice blue eyes.

“Yeah,” Cale said.

“So do I,” Nate said, turning back to the squat rack. “See you then.”

***

Cale had been at Ridge Valley for five months before lacrosse season started but now he had friends. At sixth period lunch, he was welcome at the lacrosse table - a rowdy table by the windows that had previously been a cool-kids no-man’s-land. Nate and a handsome blond senior named Gabe sat at one end with the other seniors and Cale sat at the other end next to Andre and a junior called Josty, a midfielder who had been on his scrimmage team. 

The upperclassmen didn’t talk to him much, but they accepted Cale into their clique. They treated him like one of their own at practice and in the hallways. Cale didn't need to be the center of attention. He was happy to be an anonymous member of the team, even if it meant that most of his teammates ignored him. He was getting to know Andre, who happened to be in his biology class, Josty, and a few others. 

He couldn't crack Nate though. Although Nate was polite toward him, frequently helping Cale and the underclassmen in the weight room, it seemed he held an anger toward Cale that was always simmering just beneath the surface. At one point during lunch the first week, Cale looked down the table to see Nate glaring at him. When Cale caught his eye, Nate gave him an inscrutable look and then turned away.

Even so, Cale was happy with his new routine. Every night after practice, he walked the two blocks down Valley Road to the apartment complex where he lived with his mom and let himself into the apartment. His mom worked until late so he was on his own for dinner. He would make mac and cheese or burgers and set himself up at the kitchen table to eat and do his homework. When his mom got home each night, worn out from long hours working as an aide at a nursing home, she’d drop a kiss to the top of his head and go straight to her bedroom. Cale would finish up and head to bed by 11pm, ready to start his day all over again the next day. 

***

After two weeks of daily practice, Ridge Valley High had its first game against Valley Catholic on a Thursday night under the lights at Ridge Valley Stadium. Cale had never played before such a large and enthusiastic crowd before. It seemed like half of the school was there, their faces painted Ridge Valley blue, stomping loudly as the team took to the field. Cale’s heart was hammering as the whistle blew for the opening face-off and didn’t calm down through four quarters of play. He had a good game regardless, mostly because of Nate’s ability to read his stick movements and position himself perfectly in front of the opposing goal to receive Cale’s passes. Together, they scored 4 out of Ridge Valley’s game-winning 9 goals.

***

Nate had a party at his house that Friday night to celebrate the win. Cale walked through town and over the train tracks to the fancy neighborhood on the west side of town where Nate lived. Each house was set on a huge lot of land - manicured lawns, pools, and tennis courts as far as the eye could see. Nate’s house was at the high point of the ridge overlooking the town. It was a three-story Tudor mansion with a four-car garage and a carriage house. Every window in the house was lit up with the party, already in progress when Cale arrived.

Cale wound his way through the rooms of the first floor, looking for Andre and Josty. A few of the upperclassmen, including their starting goalie Grubi and his backup Frankie, were sprawled out on the over-sized couches in the living room. In the kitchen, Cale was given a shot and a beer by EJ, who was playing bartender and holding court for a group of defensemen. Cale took the shot and headed upstairs to where he could hear loud rap music. He found Andre and Josty in the game room on the second floor, dancing badly to OutKast and being mocked amicably by Gabe. Cale waved hello with his Solo cup of beer. He went down the hallway and up a set of narrow stairs, where he found a large lofted bedroom covered in Eric Lindros posters and memorabilia. 

Cale went to the window and admired the view of Ridge Valley lit up below him and the city beyond. As he sipped his drink, he thought about his room at home - the cramped space with the tiny, grimy window that he shared with his younger brother when he visited every other weekend. The fact that Cale lived literally on the other side of the tracks from this huge mansion wasn’t lost on him.

“Hey,” Nate said from the doorway.

“Hi,” Cale said, startled away from the window. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to creep into your room-”

“But you did,” Nate smiled and took a sip of his beer. He was wearing a pale blue polo shirt that matched his eyes, dark jeans, and boat shoes. 

“Yeah,” Cale said sheepishly, looking down at his ratty t-shirt and sneakers. He felt more out of place than ever. “I didn’t know you were such a Lindros fan.”

“I am,” Nate nodded.

“Your room is like a shrine to him,” Cale teased. “Do you play hockey?”

Nate came into the room and sat on his bed. After a moment of hesitation, Cale sat next to him.

“I used to play,” Nate said, not looking over at Cale. “But my dad wanted me to focus on lacrosse. He was captain at Ridge Valley too.”

“I used to play hockey a little too, but I liked lacrosse more.”

“You’re really good at lacrosse,” Nate said, peeking under his eyelashes at Cale. “We were pretty good out there together.”

Cale smiled a little and shrugged. “I’ve never had four assists in a game before.”

“You were sick,” Nate said, bumping Cale with his shoulder. “It was like we could-”

“Read each other’s minds,” Cale finished for him.

“Yeah,” Nate turned to look straight at him, his eyes a bright blue in the dim light of the bedroom. Nate’s face was close, his voice soft. “I haven’t felt like that since…” 

Cale was certain that Nate was about to lean in to kiss him, but instead Nate shook his head and stood up, smoothing his palms down the front of his pants. 

“I should get back downstairs,” Nate said. He headed for the door without looking back.

***

Cale was back downstairs in the living room with Andre, who was daring Josty to do shots, when an older couple came into the house through the front foyer.

“Ridge Valley!” the man shouted and the entire team cheered in response. 

At Cale’s look of confusion, Andre leaned over and said, “That’s Nate’s dad.” The man did look like an older version of Nate, a former athlete whose body had gone a little soft, with a head of silver hair and a prominent nose. He was wearing a navy blazer and a big gold watch on his wrist. He was trailed by a small blonde woman at least a decade his senior who was wearing more jewelry than Cale had ever seen on a single person.

“They don’t care that we’re drinking?” Cale asked quietly. He was quickly learning that rich families like the MacKinnons held very different standards for their kids than his mom did for him.

“Nope,” Josty said, throwing back another shot and cheerily waving at Mr. MacKinnon as he walked by. 

“Nate Dogg!” Mr. MacKinnon greeted his son, pulling him into a headlock. “I heard you killed those Valley Catholic bastards!”

“Thanks Dad,” Nate said, his face flushed red. He was in the dining room, clustered around the table with the upperclassmen. “It wasn’t just me, I had great assists from-”

“EJ!” Mr. MacKinnon shouted and started an elaborate handshake with the team’s top defenseman. 

“Hey, Mr. Mac,” EJ said. “Nate was on fire today. Haven’t seen him score like that since last year when Barrie was-”

Nate’s dad dropped EJ’s hand abruptly and turned to look at Nate, who was standing with his arms crossed, looking uncomfortable. 

“We don’t mention that faggot’s name in my house,” Mr. MacKinnon said. He clapped Nate on the back and headed upstairs with Nate’s mom. 

Cale sat frozen where he was sitting on the living room floor as the party continued like nothing had happened. He watched Nate’s dad climb the stairs and then looked over at Nate, who was standing stock still, his face pale. Nate looked up and right at Cale, his eyes wide and frightened. After a moment, Nate turned and left the room. 

Cale made an excuse about having to use the bathroom and instead wound through the kitchen and the mudroom to the side door. When he got outside, he took a minute to look for Nate, who he found across the front lawn, leaning on the low stone wall at the edge of the ridge. 

“Hey,” Cale said softly, not wanting to startle Nate as he walked up.

Nate dropped his head and sighed. “I don’t really want to talk, Makar.”

“Okay,” Cale said, coming to sit on the wall next to where Nate was leaning. “We don’t have to talk about it.” He fidgeted with his hands in his lap as Nate stared silently into the distance for a moment.

“When he says stuff like that-” Nate started, his voice so low it was almost inaudible.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain it to me.”

“No, I do,” Nate said. 

“They don’t know who’s listening when they say stuff like that,” Cale said, reaching out to put his hand on Nate’s shoulder. 

“Cale-”

“It’s okay,” Cale said again.

“No, it’s not,” Nate said, frustrated. Pain was etched across Nate’s face and he looked wan in the moonlight. “I’m- you know, we’re right there-”

“It’s okay,” Cale said again softly. Nate slumped against him. Cale wound his arm around Nate’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug, Nate’s face tucked into his neck. After a moment, Nate pulled back and gave him a shy smile.

“Before, in my room, I meant it when I said that I haven’t connected with anyone like that in a while. I-” Nate took a deep breath. “There’s something here but I-”

Cale leaned in and kissed Nate, softly, letting his lips linger against Nate’s before he pulled back. 

“Oh,” Nate said quietly. He looked at Cale and then leaned back in, taking Cale’s face in his big hands and kissing him again, his tongue softly brushing Cale’s lower lip. After a long moment, Nate pulled back and bit his lip like he was trying and failing not to smile. He looked toward the house and then back at Cale, his eyes shining in the moonlight. “I should get back inside.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,” Cale said, hoping that Nate couldn’t tell how hard his heart was hammering.

“Okay,” Nate said. He leaned in to peck Cale on the lips before he jogged back up the lawn to the house. 

Cale tipped his head up to look at the sky, the moon full and bright overhead, the only witness to his first kiss.

***

The next Monday in school, Cale was walking through the main hallway on his way to history class when he saw Nate and Gabe approaching from the opposite direction. 

“Hey, man,” Cale said, smiling at Nate and holding out a hand for a fist bump.

“Move, Makar,” Nate grumbled, shoving past him and ignoring Cale’s fist. 

Cale heard Gabe laugh as they disappeared down the hall. He stood there in the middle of the hallway, stunned.

Cale stewed about it the rest of the day, annoying his lab partner in bio class with how distracted and irritable he was. By the time he took the field for lacrosse practice, he had had it. That afternoon, Coach Bednar had scheduled another scrimmage. As Cale readied for the first face-off, he saw that Nate was setting up across from him at center field. Cale placed the head of his stick on the ground against Nate’s and glared at him, waiting for the whistle. 

“What’s your problem?” Nate gritted out and then Coach blew the whistle.

“You’re my problem,” Cale responded, shoving hard at Nate’s stick to move him off the ball. 

“Fuck you, man,” Nate said back, dropping his stick and charging at Cale.

Cale dropped his stick too and shoved hard at Nate’s chest as he came at him, the both of them falling to the grass and grappling, the scrimmage forgotten. After a moment, their teammates leapt into action and separated them, pulling them apart and trying to calm them down. 

They were sent to Coach Bednar’s office, where they sat silently in the chairs in front of the desk, the scrapes on their knees oozing blood and their practice jerseys grass-stained, as Coach reamed them out. 

“I cannot believe that I have to take time away from practice because you two can’t behave like gentlemen,” Coach started at full volume.

“Sir, it’s-” Nate started.

“Shut up, MacKinnon! I can’t believe that you, of all people, would bring whatever this is onto the field. You’re supposed to be the captain.”

“Coach, I’m sorry-” Cale tried to say before he was cut off too.

“You watch it, Makar. I can send you back to J.V. without another thought. Now,” Coach stood up, kicking back his chair and striding toward the door. “You have 20 minutes to sort your shit out and get back to practice.” He snapped the door shut behind him.

They sat in silence for a minute before Nate sighed and went over to the window. He stood there, staring out with his hands on his hips. “This is all your fault, you know,” he said to the window.

“My fault?” Cale said, standing up and going to the next window over to look out at his teammates running passing drills on the field below. “You were a dick to me in the main hall this morning. This is your fault.”

“What, did you want me to kiss you in the hallway before second period?” Nate said sarcastically.

“Of course not,” Cale said, turning to him. “But it would be cool if you acted like you actually know me.”

“I _don’t_ know you,” Nate spat at him. 

“But Friday night, we- I mean, I thought you were into-”

“Of course I was into it! That’s not the issue. Do you know what would happen if they found out about that? What they would do to you?” Nate asked, pointing at the window. Cale could only shrug, exasperated. Nate shook his head bitterly. “They might not say anything directly to you, but there’d be whispering - behind your back in the locker room, on the bus to games - jokes you weren’t in on but you’d know were about you. Then they’d do little things - they’d forget to tell you about the new conditioning schedule and the gym would be locked when you showed up.”

“Okay, but-”

“Then they’d move practice to the south field. You wouldn’t know, so you’d get benched for the next game. And the one after that.”

“Nate, I know-”

“Then at the next away game - which he wasn’t playing in - they ‘forgot’ to load his gear bag on the bus. And he lost his sticks.”

Cale wasn’t interrupting now. 

“When he didn’t get the hint, they graffitied his locker and then the whole school found out.” Nate’s chest was heaving with emotion as he talked, caught up in whatever this was, whoever this was about. “It didn’t stop until he quit.” He finally stopped and turned back to the window. 

“Nate, I’m sorry,” Cale said, his voice barely a whisper. He was thinking about how badly things could go for him at Ridge Valley. His mom had moved them to this town so he could play lacrosse and get an athletic scholarship to a good college. And in the first few weeks of the season, he had kissed the team’s captain without a thought about the risk. 

But the thing was, Cale knew the risk. He had known his whole life, ever since that time his dad had found gay porn under his mattress and had hit him so hard that he couldn’t go to school for a week. He had never talked about it with his mom, but he was pretty sure that she knew and that she brought him to Ridge Valley with her to protect him. 

Even so, Cale hadn’t held back from kissing Nate. Cale didn’t know what had happened that led to Nate’s dad reacting like he had at the party, but he felt that Nate had been through a lot of experiences like that over the years. He was freaking out and maybe he could use someone in his life who understood.

Cale stepped closer to Nate, slowly so as not to startle him, and reached out a hand. “We can protect each other. If we trust each other.”

Nate looked down at Cale's hand and reached out his fingertips. He intertwined his fingers with Cale’s and pulled, gently tugging Cale closer. “I can’t be- in public, we can’t...” Nate trailed off. Nate was looking down at Cale with a raw, hungry look in his eyes. He looked scared but also like he wanted to grab onto Cale and hold on for dear life.

“I know,” Cale said.

“Okay,” Nate said, pulling Cale closer with a hand at the small of his back. 

Cale looped his arms around Nate’s neck and leaned up to kiss him. Before their lips could touch, Nate pulled his head back and gave Cale his usual cocky smirk. 

“See, now this is not being careful. Coach could come back at any minute.”

Cale pulled Nate closer by the back of his neck. “Shut up and kiss me.”

***

At the end of the week, Cale was going through the lunch line with his teammates, shuffling his tray along between Nate and Z, a tall senior who played defense. 

Cale’s performance in their first two games had awarded him a social promotion of sorts - now he was welcome in the middle of the lacrosse team’s lunch table. He still talked mostly with his junior friends, but the seniors were including him more and more. As a result, he was able to spend more time with Nate, time that looked innocent but sent a small thrill through Cale. He could walk in the hallway next to Nate, talk with him by his locker between periods, and no one knew that they had made out furiously in Coach Bednar’s office on Monday afternoon.

As Cale put a cup of chocolate pudding on his tray, Nate reached out and put it back, grumbling something about putting Cale on a nutrition plan. Cale rolled his eyes at Nate, who gave him a small smile.

“Hey,” Nate said, quietly under his breath so no one could hear. “It’s Friday. No practice today.”

“Wanna hang out?” Cale asked, tucking his chin and lowering his voice.

“Yeah,” Nate said, “but we can’t at my place.”

“It’s cool,” Cale said after pausing to pay for his lunch. They walked toward the table, casual, not betraying what they were actually discussing. “My mom is working late so we can go to mine.”

“Yeah?” Nate smiled at him, looking relieved.

“Yeah, Ridgecrest Apartments, number 3A.”

“See you then,” Nate said. He set his tray down on the table and nodded coolly at Cale, who took his seat at the middle of the table.

“Friday night!” EJ was saying loudly. “You coming out with us Nate Dogg?”

“What are you doing?” Nate said.

“Gabe’s parents are away and left the liquor cabinet unlocked.” Gabe started shouting that the team wasn’t allowed over but EJ put him in a headlock that muffled his protests.

Nate scoffed. “Last time Gabe’s parents went away, you losers drank all that aquavit and threw up in the front yard. Pass.”

“What are you doing instead?” EJ said. “Hot date?” He looked over at a table of junior girls, who were leaning together and sneaking glances in the lacrosse team’s direction.

Nate smiled at the girls and then turned back to EJ to wink at him. Cale just smiled to himself, letting EJ’s taunts and his teammates’ bickering wash over him. No matter what everyone thought, Nate was coming to his place.

***

Cale tried to straighten up the apartment when he got home from school that afternoon but was too nervous to do more than move the dirty laundry from the floor of his bedroom to the floor of his closet. He looked around the living room, which he used to think was cozy and shabby chic but after seeing Nate’s house looked just plain shabby. Before he could do anything about it, Nate buzzed the intercom.

Cale stood by the door as Nate let himself in and bounded up the stairs. He was nervous - he had never been alone with a guy he liked before and he didn’t know what to expect. What would Nate expect? He was a senior. He might have been with other guys - or even girls? - and he might judge Cale for his inexperience. 

But soon Nate was through the door and in the apartment, striding around confidently and poking his head into the kitchen. 

“Do you want something to eat?” Cale asked, still hovering by the door. He was having trouble figuring out what to do with his hands.

“Nah, I’m good,” Nate said with an easy smile. “I had a Powerbar after eighth period.”

“Cool, that’s cool,” Cale said. He finally gave up and shoved his hands into his front jeans pockets.

Nate sat down on the couch and slid his arm along the back. “Are you going to stay over there the whole time?”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about it-” Cale stammered.

“Hey, why don’t you show me your room?” Nate interrupted. 

Cale let out a breath. He could show Nate his room. He could do that.

As Cale led them down the hallway, past the small bathroom that he shared with his mom, he felt Nate’s hands on his hips. Cale felt a little dizzy and he entered his bedroom. He flipped on the light by his twin bed and gestured to the rest of the cramped room.

"This is it,” he said, shrugging. 

Nate sat down on his bed and leaned back on his elbows. “You have two beds?” he asked, smiling at the twin bed on the opposite wall.

“That’s my brother Jason’s bed. He’s only here every other weekend. He lives with his dad.”

“Oh,” Nate sat up and looked more serious. “He’s your half brother?”

“No, full,” Cale said. He sat down next to Nate. 

“Okay,” Nate said quietly.

Cale licked his lips and scooted closer. “We don’t have to talk.” He kissed Nate then, sinking against him as Nate’s arms came around him. They laid back on the bed. Before long, they were curled around each other, legs intertwined, as they kissed. Nate was half on top of Cale, his hands wandering down Cale’s body, up under his t-shirt, around to grasp his ass to pull Cale against him.

Cale had never kissed like this, deep and hungry, licking into someone else’s mouth like he was trying to devour them. He had never been touched like this either, grasped tight and hard, until he thought he would explode if he didn’t get more contact. Nate was sure and practiced as he rolled on top of Cale, falling between his legs and moving over him, kissing him like he wanted him. 

They were still fully dressed after kissing most of the afternoon, but Cale felt exposed like Nate had burrowed into his skin. When Nate finally moved his hand around to the front of his jeans, Cale gasped and sat up, edging away. “I- I need a minute,” he stammered. Even so, he couldn’t let go of Nate, couldn’t keep his hands from grasping at his biceps and running through his hair. 

“It’s okay,” Nate said and Cale relaxed against him. “We can slow down.” He started kissing Cale again, slowly. Cale got lost in it and forgot his hesitance again. He hooked his leg over Nate’s hip as they kissed, pressing their hips together, and smiled into Nate’s lips when he moaned at the contact. He loved the sound of that, Nate caught off-guard, his usual cocky assurance shaken by Cale’s body. Before long, Cale was grinding against Nate, his cock hard in his pants where it was pressed against Nate, hard in his. 

“Okay, yeah, we have to stop or I’m going to-,” Nate rolled away with a frustrated sigh. “You’re too-”

“What?” Cale said. He could feel that his lips were red from kissing and his cheeks flushed. “I’m what?”

Nate shook his head and smiled. “It’s getting late.” He leaned in and kissed Cale chastely on the lips. “Next time,” he said, his voice husky with want. Cale felt a curl of satisfaction in his stomach that he had made Nate sound like that, and that there would be a next time.

Cale walked Nate to the door, trying to smooth down his hair and rearrange his clothes so he looked more presentable in case a neighbor saw him. 

“I’ll see you at the game tomorrow,” Nate said, kissing him on the cheek by the door. They had a home game against Don Marco Prep the next afternoon. Cale wasn’t sure how he was going to handle acting like today hadn’t happened when he was on the field, but that was a problem for tomorrow.

“Yup,” Cale said. 

“We’re gonna kill ‘em, bro,” Nate smiled and high-fived him before he headed out the door.

Cale closed the door and collapsed with his back against it, closing his eyes and sighing.

***

Instead of being a distraction during the game the next day, Cale found that his afternoon with Nate focused his energy. He sprinted all over the field, whipping pass after pass to the attackmen and blocking shots on defense with a precision that he didn’t know he had. He and Nate were in sync, moving in freakish coordination up the field, driving play to the net and in, over and over again. When the last whistle blew, Nate streaked toward Cale, picking him up with a shriek of joy and hoisting him into the air. They won 12-4.

In the locker room after the game, EJ was blasting “Protect Ya Neck” and Gabe was strutting around naked, whipping guys with a towel on his way to the shower. Nate was sitting by his locker, uncharacteristically quiet, so Cale threw a sock at him to get his attention. 

“You okay?” Cale mouthed when Nate looked up.

A smile broke out on Nate’s face. “You,” he said, coming over to hook his arm around Cale’s neck, ruffling his hair. Cale laughed and shoved him away playfully. 

Cale cleaned up and went out for milkshakes with the team, all of them loading into three big booths at the diner. Squeezed in between Andre and Nate, surrounded by his jubilant teammates and with Nate’s hand on his knee under the table, Cale thought that he couldn’t be much happier.

***

Every free afternoon they had, they spent in Cale’s room. Sometimes they listened to CDs that Nate brought over, sometimes Cale made them an after-school snack, but regardless they ended up making out on Cale’s twin bed before too long. Cale blamed it on the fact that he spent so much time with Nate when he couldn’t touch him. As soon as they were alone, Cale was desperate to be close to Nate, to have Nate’s lips on his. All of his concerns about moving too fast, about what Nate expected of him, fell away and Cale was left with this - a slow-burning fire in his stomach that Nate fed until Cale felt like he would be burned alive. 

They stripped their shirts off and Cale explored the flat planes of Nate’s muscled chest with his hands, his lips, his face flushed hot as Nate watched him. Then Nate skated his fingers along the waistband of Cale’s jeans and Cale felt his hips move involuntarily toward Nate’s hand, spurring Nate to pop the button and ease Cale’s jeans down his legs. Once they were both in just their boxer briefs, things moved faster, more urgently, Nate breathing harder as they kissed. Things felt out of control, the edges dissolving as Nate pressed his hand against the front of Cale’s briefs, his hips twitching in response, everything hot and wet and-

Cale sat up and scooted backwards away from Nate, his knees drawn up to his chest. “Nate,” he panted, “I’m gonna-”

Nate dropped his head, scrubbing his hand from the back of his neck and up over his head, sighing. “Me too,” he sighed. “The way you kiss me-”

“Me?” Cale said, disbelieving. “It’s you, you’re so…”

“What?” Nate said, a smile quirking on his lips. He moved onto his hands and knees and crawled toward Cale, his eyes on him. “What am I doing?” he growled.

Cale licked his lips, unable to stay closed off from Nate. He unwound his arms and legs, let Nate push him onto his back and press down on his body as he kissed him, solid and hard as he moved. Cale held onto Nate’s shoulders as Nate snaked a hand between them, into Cale’s briefs, around Cale’s cock. Cale thought he was going to black out at the first touch of Nate’s hand, only to realize that every sure movement would drive him even more out of his mind, until he was coming, gasping into Nate’s mouth, eyes squeezed shut. 

Now when he saw Nate in the hallway at school, across the field, down the lunch table, Cale couldn’t help thinking about the way that Nate had moaned for him as he showed Cale how to touch him back. The way Nate threw his head back when Cale made him come, the way he looked at Cale as he came back down, kissing him like he was drowning. Cale tried to school his face into a neutral expression, averting his eyes when Nate changed in the locker room after practice, but his blush gave him away. He could feel his cheeks go red just at the thought of Nate, a hot curl in his stomach at the way Nate made Cale feel when he touched him. 

***

All through March, Nate and Cale practiced set plays with the team, running them over and over again on the field during long, cold afternoon practices. They spent more hours in the weight room and early mornings running conditioning drills in the gym. Their hard work - every hour Nate and Cale spent, stealing glances as they worked out and trained with their teammates - paid off as they won seven out of nine games that month. 

Game after game, Cale and Nate worked together like clockwork, Cale circling the field to pluck the ball out of thin air and direct it to Nate. He didn’t even need to see Nate in order to direct the ball to him. He knew where Nate was because he would always be positioned on the field just where Cale needed him to be. If Nate was a little too enthusiastic when he tackle-hugged Cale after they scored, no one said anything because they were scoring so much that they were basically untouchable. 

Cale knew that the world of the lacrosse team wasn’t his - the fancy cars given to them by their rich parents on their 16th birthdays, their new polo shirts with the collars popped, the casual way they dropped money when they caravanned to 7-11 for snacks after games. He was just a kid with a single mom, but they welcomed him anyway. Cale wasn’t sure if it was because of his playing - he was team leader in assists - or because of his closeness to Nate, but he wasn’t going to question it. Anyway, Nate smoothed over any awkwardness, always letting Cale ride shotgun in his BMW and discreetly paying his way when the team went out for burritos in town after practice. Cale felt safe, like the pack of rowdy lacrosse players would protect him. It was easier to think that way than to wonder what they would do if they really knew what was going on.

***

Nate was lying curled against Cale’s back one early evening after a hard practice in a cold April rainstorm. It had taken Cale a long time to warm up after practice. He had stood under the lukewarm locker room shower water until his hands were pruny, but he was still shivering. He dressed in warm sweats and let Nate tuck him into the front seat of his car. Cale didn’t care if they were seen by people in the parking lot, other athletes making their exhausted way home from a long day of school and practice. Nate drove the two blocks to Cale’s apartment, the heat on full blast, holding Cale’s hand across the gear shift. 

Inside the apartment, they scrambled to get undressed, their clothes falling to the floor, and then they fell into each other. They weren’t in a rush. The bedroom was dark and quiet as they kissed, touching each other, touching themselves, breathing into each other’s mouths until they came together. 

After, Nate was shamelessly cuddling Cale, placing kisses on the back of his neck, his palm pressed flat against Cale’s chest. If they had started this as a physical hookup, more and more it felt like something tender and careful, Nate’s usual cocky bluster stripped away in favor of this softness. Cale didn’t know that this Nate existed. It was his secret - the Nate that only he got to see. At school or on the field, Nate remained the lacrosse golden child, a privileged boy from the best neighborhood in town. But when he held Cale like this, he was someone altogether different - more open, more sensitive, Cale’s.

“How come your brother lives with your dad?” Nate said into Cale’s neck after a lull. 

“Oh,” Cale said, feeling Nate’s arm around his chest squeeze gently to reassure him. “My parents’ divorce was pretty bad. My mom- she had a lot of problems and wasn’t in a great place to take care of either of us so my dad got custody. Then later when things were better, I came to live with my mom here because of lacrosse and Jason stayed with our dad.” Cale paused, not sure how open he should be with Nate, how much would scare him away. “My dad and I don’t get along. He’s- it’s better if I’m here to look after my mom anyway.”

Nate huffed, nuzzling his nose against Cale’s shoulder. “I wish I could get away from my dad.”

“You will.”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m going to Duke in the fall but until then,” Nate grumbled. “These last few years have been so hard. He’s been so tough on me, even though I’ve done everything he wants me to do. Well, almost everything.”

Cale shifted his hips back against Nate, earning him a bite on his shoulder. 

“He just can’t figure out why I’m not dating the head cheerleader or whatever. Like, it’s right there in front of him but he can’t see it.” Nate sighed and curled tighter around Cale. “He’ll never see it. So I gotta just get away from him.”

They laid quietly for a time, the rain pattering on the window and the shadows in the bedroom deepening.

“Are you sleeping?” Nate asked, turning Cale over in his arms and kissing his face. “I’m sorry if I bored you with my complaining.”

“I’m awake,” Cale laughed, tilting his chin up as Nate kissed his neck and down his chest. “And you’re not boring.”

“Oh?” Nate asked. He kissed across Cale’s stomach, trailing his tongue across Cale’s abs. 

Cale shivered and ran his hands through Nate’s hair. “I like getting to know the real you,” Cale said. Nate ducked to bury his face against Cale’s stomach. “Don’t be embarrassed.”

“I’m not,” Nate mumbled, placing wet kisses against Cale’s skin. “I just...I can’t talk about this stuff with anyone else.” 

“I know, baby,” Cale said. 

Nate looked up, his face flushed red and his eyes burning. “I like when you call me that,” he said and placed a kiss just below Cale’s bellybutton. Cale’s stomach twisted, desire and something else hot inside him.

Nate licked down his abdomen, keeping his eyes on Cale as he got closer to his cock, hardening against his stomach. Nate kissed around the base, slowly licking up the length, and then finally took the head in his mouth. Cale hissed at the contact, spreading his legs wider so Nate could settle between them as he sucked. 

Nate worked his mouth slowly up and down, growing more confident as he went, letting his spit drip down and using his hand to pump in time with his mouth. “God,” Cale sighed, “you’re good at this.”

Nate popped off and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Never did it before,” he said. “Want me to keep going?”

Cale moaned and threaded his fingers back in Nate’s hair. “Yes, god,” he said. Nate smiled and leaned back down. “No one’s ever-” Cale gasped as Nate tightened his grip and sped up. “I don’t think I can- _fuck_.” Cale’s hips were bucking up uncontrollably and he wasn’t going to last much longer. 

Nate hummed, taking Cale down farther on the downstroke and hollowing out his cheeks on the upstroke, until Cale was writhing and chanting Nate’s name. Nate pulled off at the last second, stroking Cale through a shattering orgasm. 

“Ok, now you’re falling asleep,” Nate said as he held Cale after. He was stroking Cale’s hair, drawing goosebumps along the back of his neck.

“This time it’s definitely your fault,” Cale mumbled, half-asleep. “What time is it?”

“8:45.”

“Shit,” Cale said, sitting up quickly. “My mom will be home soon.”

***

As Cale stood on the front step of the apartment building watching Nate walk to his car, he felt a hand on his arm. 

“Hey,” his mom said. “What are you doing out here?” She followed Cale’s line of sight to Nate, who waved at Cale and then got into his car. 

Cale felt his stomach drop. His mom looked a little shocked, but she quickly plastered on a smile. 

“Let’s get inside,” she said, taking his arm.

After they were inside, she put away her raincoat and Cale went to the kitchen to put on the kettle to make her a cup of tea. He was standing at the stove, watching the flames of the burner lick around the bottom of the kettle. 

His mom came up behind him and put her arms around him. “I know I’m not here a lot, but I’m always _here_ for you,” she said. “Whatever’s happening in your life- I just want you to be happy.”

“I am, Mom,” Cale said, trying not to cry. The tea kettle whistled and his mom gave him a last squeeze before letting go.

***

“Gentlemen,” Coach Bednar yelled. “Circle up!” They were just finishing practice for the afternoon, the late-April sun low over the ridge. It was Wednesday before Easter and the lacrosse team was about to have 10 days off for Spring Break.

“While you’re on Spring Break, I want you to remember that we’re away at Bishop Constance Prep two days after we’re back. So you need to stick to your training _even if you’re going to the Bahamas_ ,” he said pointedly in the seniors’ direction.

“Yes sir,” Nate said.

“There a gym at that resort, MacKinnon?” Coach barked at him.

“There is, sir,” Nate nodded.

“Alright, no slacking. Have fun on your vacation, wear protection, and work out every day, understand?”

“Yes sir,” Nate confirmed. “I’ll make sure they all do it.”

“Alright,” Coach clapped his hands together and the team dispersed, picking up their gear and drifting toward the locker room in twos and threes. 

Cale walked beside Andre, who was tiredly wiping the sweat off of his face with the bottom of his shirt. 

“What are you doing for break, Makar?”

“I’m sticking around here,” Cale mumbled quietly. He had heard all about Andre’s family trip to Miami and the seniors’ fishing trip to the Bahamas and wasn’t really in the mood to discuss his plans (or lack of plans) for the break. 

“Hey Makar,” Nate jogged to catch up with him as Andre wandered off.

“Hi Nate,” Cale said. “Looking forward to your trip?”

“I don’t know,” Nate shrugged. “I mean, the weather in the Caribbean will be better but I’d rather spend a week here.”

“You don’t mean that,” Cale scoffed. “You and Gabe and all the guys have been looking forward to this for weeks.” Cale had heard the seniors talk about their Bahamas plans - the condo in Nassau that Nate and EJ’s dads had rented, the fishing charter their dads had hired for them, their increasingly-elaborate plans to gamble underage without getting caught.

“I guess,” Nate said. “Just- don’t forget about me while I’m gone?”

“Wait,” Cale said, wrinkling his brow. “Who are you again?” He was laughing at the shocked look on Nate’s face, but inside he was turning Nate’s words over in his head. _Don’t forget about me?_ Did Nate not realize that Cale thought about Nate all the time, thought about Nate’s lips and the way Nate made him come, his beautiful eyes and how safe Cale felt when Nate held him in his arms?

“Ugh, fuck you,” Nate said, shoving Cale playfully. “Here, actually,” Nate stopped walking and started fishing around in the outside pocket of his gear bag. “This is for you.” He handed Cale a set of keys.

“What is this?” 

“The keys to the carriage house. There’s a full gym there and I thought you might want to use it next week.”

“What about your parents?”

"They’re going to be in Mexico the whole week.”

Cale looked at the keys in his hand. “Are you sure?”

“You heard what Coach said,” Nate said, slinging his arm around Cale’s shoulder. “Gotta keep up your conditioning.” 

“Are you guys really going to work out on Spring Break?”

“No,” Nate laughed, “we’re gonna be drunk the entire time.”

***

The Monday after Easter, Cale walked over to Nate’s house, pausing in the front drive. There were birds chirping and the far-off drone of a lawnmower, but nothing else was out of place other than him.

Cale walked up the drive to the carriage house and used the keys Nate had given him to unlock the door. Inside the building was a full gym with cardio equipment, weight machines, and free weights. There were mirrors all along the side wall. Upstairs in the loft was a yoga studio setup with exercise bands and balls. 

Cale set down his gym bag and went over to where Nate had the team conditioning schedule tacked up on a cork board. Next to it were pictures of Nate and the team - one of Nate and EJ in the back of the team bus in their game-day suits, one of Nate and Gabe on the field at Ridge High. In the corner, there was a picture of Nate and a few of the upperclassmen at a party. Nate’s left arm was around EJ’s shoulder but the picture was folded, cutting off Nate’s right arm. Cale untacked the photo and unfolded it - Nate’s right arm was around a dark-haired boy with a big smile on his face. 

Cale quickly refolded the picture and fastened it back into place. He looked at the other pictures on the cork board again, searching for the boy’s face, but he was nowhere to be found. 

Cale was unsettled the entire time he was working out, thinking about the folded picture, what Nate’s dad had said at the party at the beginning of the season, and the fear in Nate’s eyes that day in Coach Bednar’s office. 

Nate came back from the Bahamas at the end of Spring Break. The next time they were alone together, as Cale kissed down Nate’s tanned chest, he tried not to think about the boy who had been erased from Nate’s life and never heard from again. 

***

The lacrosse team had a party at EJ’s house the first weekend in May to celebrate their win in the first round of the state tournament. They were putting in two practices a day in prep for the second round of the tournament and they were all exhausted. They were supposed to be getting ready for the end of the semester and final exams, but they were still making time for a party. 

EJ lived in a massive Victorian house with a wraparound porch and a huge backyard. The pool was open, even though it was only 70 degrees that night. No one was swimming, but Cale had been around enough lacrosse players in his life to know that someone was getting thrown in the pool before the night was over.

Most of the school was there, the popular girls arriving in a giggly, perfumed crowd. The girls gravitated toward the seniors, hanging off of Gabe’s every smile, but Nate didn’t pay them any mind. He stayed close to Cale’s side, refilling his Solo cup every time it was half empty and keeping up a running commentary about his teammate’s terrible flirting skills.

"Look at Mikko,” Nate laughed, his face bent toward Cale’s, his breath hot on Cale’s face. “He’s so drunk that he’s lost his English.” 

Cale looked to where Mikko, the exchange student from Finland who was surprisingly a great attackman, was trying to talk to a pretty brunette but had been reduced to ridiculous gestures. “Should we go save him?”

“No way,” Nate laughed. 

“Hi Nate.”

Cale looked over to see a willowy girl with strawberry blonde hair approaching Nate. 

“Hi Julia,” Nate said, edging a little closer to Cale. “Do you know Cale? This is Cale.”

“Hi,” Julia said, smiling at Cale but quickly shifting her focus back to Nate. “My friend Jamie is going to prom with Gabe,” she pointed where Gabe and a petite blonde were talking, “and she thought maybe you’d want to go with me? It’d be like a double date?”

“Uh,” Nate stammered for a moment, looking at the ground. 

Cale spoke up, trying to rescue Nate. “You can share a limo with Gabe! That’s a good idea, right Nate?” He elbowed Nate in the side. 

“Yeah, uh I guess,” Nate said. He frowned at Cale.

“Nate Dogg!” EJ shouted. He came between Nate and Julia and put his arms around their shoulders. “You going to lose your virginity on prom night, MacKinnon?” He squeezed his arm around Nate’s neck and then darted away, cackling. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Johnson,” Nate shouted as he ran after him. 

Cale smiled at Julia. “So, what color is your dress?”

“Umm,” Julia said, looking away to where Nate had tackled EJ to the grass and was wrestling with him. “Red.”

“Cool,” Cale said. “I’m going to get a refill.” He headed to the back porch where the kegs were kept, filled up his cup, and then veered into the house. When Nate found him ten minutes later, he was sitting on the front steps of the house, staring out over the long tree-lined drive to the street. 

“Hey,” Nate said, sitting down next to him. “What are you doing here by yourself?”

“Just drinking in peace,” Cale said. He took a sip of beer and held out his cup to Nate, who took it.

“Are you okay?” Nate said. He took a sip and handed the cup back to Cale. “About the prom thing.”

“It is what it is,” Cale shrugged.

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay. You can be upset.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Cale sighed. “We’re not...we’re nothing. I can’t expect anything.” He thought about all the things they couldn’t do - hold hands at EJ’s stupid party, pose for prom pictures in front of a cheesy background, be boyfriends in front of everyone in their lives.

“Cale,” Nate said, taking the cup from his hand and placing it down on the porch before he slid closer, grabbing Cale’s arms and staring into his eyes, his expression serious. “You know that’s not true. Maybe there’s not a word for it, but you’re my...you’re…” Nate looked around, frustrated. “We spend all our free time together, you know me better than anyone else, and you know,” Nate snuck his hand up Cale’s back to his neck so he could pull Cale into a fierce kiss, “you know I can’t get enough of you.”

“I can’t get enough of you,” Cale mumbled, breathless from Nate’s kiss and Nate’s arms tight around him.

“You’re not nothing,” Nate said, his voice low and gravely. He paused for a moment with his forehead pressed against Cale’s. “You’re everything,” Nate whispered.

Cale let out a breath and leaned back from Nate. “Are you crying?” he said softly.

“No,” Nate muttered, swiping at his eyes with the heel of his hand. 

“Baby,” Cale said softly. 

“Are you okay?” Nate asked. “About the prom thing I mean.”

“Yes,” Cale said. “You’re gonna have fun.”

“EJ’s gonna try to make me dance,” Nate said, standing up and holding out his hand to help Cale up. 

“Wanna go get drunk and throw EJ in the pool?” Cale said, bumping Nate with his shoulder.

A relieved smile broke out over Nate’s face. “Yeah!” 

***

Nate and Cale tripped down the front steps of EJ’s house at the end of the party, laughing drunkenly at the look on EJ’s face as they tipped him into the pool. 

“Hey, Cale?” 

Cale turned to see Julia at the front door of the house. He looked back and Nate was already halfway down the front drive, headed for his parents’ empty house. “Hi Julia, is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she looked down at her hands shyly. “I just wanted to say...Nate’s really lucky to have you.”

Cale’s blood ran cold. “W-what?” he stammered out.

“You’ll make sure he gets home okay?”

“Yeah,” Cale said, backing away slowly. “I’ll see you around.”

“Bye,” Julia waved. 

Cale ran after Nate and caught up with him at the end of the block. 

“Where’d you go?” Nate asked. He slung his arm around Cale’s shoulders and pulled him close. 

“I’m right here,” Cale said. “How long are you parents away for?”

“Until tomorrow night. You staying over?”

“Yeah,” Cale said, kissing the side of Nate’s neck as they turned into his driveway. 

They stopped in the kitchen to gulp down bottles of Gatorade and so Cale could force Nate to take two Advil before he developed a hangover. Upstairs in Nate’s room, Nate kicked the door shut behind him and tackled Cale onto his king-size bed. They made out sloppily, Nate edging Cale’s shirt up his chest and his shorts down off his hips. 

“Hold on a sec, hold on,” Cale panted. He sat up so he could take off his shirt but Nate was back on him, sucking a hickey into his neck before he could get his shorts off. 

“Fucking need you babe,” Nate murmured into Cale’s neck. “Come here.” Nate laid on his back and pulled Cale up into his lap, his hands cupping Cale’s face as he kissed him. Cale ground down onto Nate, who groaned at the friction over and over again.

Eventually, they undressed and Nate worked his way down Cale’s body, his tongue tracing the length of Cale’s cock. He turned Cale over onto his stomach then, kissing across his lower back and then trailing his fingers down the cleft of Cale’s ass. Cale gasped when Nate spread him apart and licked around his rim, wet and warm and fucking in gently with his tongue. 

Nate sat up after a minute and leaned over to his bedside table. He opened the drawer and retrieved a small bottle of lube before setting it beside Cale’s hip. “This okay?” he asked, his breath hot on Cale’s hole and his fingers teasing around the rim. He slipped one finger inside, just up to the first knuckle as Cale panted out a yes, and then he lubed up two fingers. He slid one finger in slowly, feeling Cale tense up for a moment and then relax at the sensation, before he slid in the second. “You still with me?” Nate asked, twisting his fingers gently and drawing a whine from Cale, who had started grinding against the bed in time with Nate’s fingers. 

“Fuck, Nate,” Cale moaned, “that’s so-”

“Can you take another?” Nate asked. He slid a third finger in when Cale tipped his hips back toward him in encouragement. “You look so good baby,” he marveled as he watched Cale spread open around his fingers. “Here, turn over.”

Cale flipped onto his back and Nate could see how turned on Cale was, his cock hard and his face flushed bright red. Nate slid his fingers back in at the same time as he took Cale’s cock in his mouth, Cale moaning loudly as he fell apart, clutching Nate’s fingers tight inside him and coming across his tongue. 

Nate grabbed a tissue to clean up and when he came back to the bed, Cale rolled him onto his back and took him down his throat with a practiced ease. He knew exactly how to flick his tongue at the underside of Nate’s cock as he went, taking every thrust of Nate’s hips without gagging. As Nate held onto his head and fucked his face, Cale relaxed his throat until Nate’s whole body convulsed with his orgasm. 

***

They fell asleep after, exhausted from the beer and the sex. Cale never slept so soundly, lulled into unconsciousness by Nate’s arms heavy around him. When Nate woke him up in the middle of the night, hard against his back and then pressing inside him, Cale couldn’t tell if he was dreaming. He just moved with Nate, his hips rocking against him, Nate’s hand gripping his hip tight until they both came, their moans echoing in Nate’s dark bedroom. When Nate whispered “I love you” into the sweaty skin on the back of Cale's neck after, Cale was sure he was still dreaming.

***

Ridge Valley’s varsity lacrosse season came to an end in a way that no one expected or was happy with that year - losing to Highland Prep in the state semifinals. It was a close game through four quarters, but in the end Ridge Valley couldn’t pull it out. They loaded onto the bus after the game and, in the back seat, Nate slumped against Cale’s shoulder in misery.

Over the next week, Cale watched as his senior teammates prepped for prom. Nate had his tux altered, EJ learned what a boutonniere was, and Gabe planned a massive after-party at his parent’s house. Every time prom was discussed at lunch, Nate would squeeze Cale’s knee under the table. The thought still hurt Cale - not just prom but the fact that Nate’s time in Ridge Valley was quickly coming to an end. In August, he’d be leaving for Duke and Cale still didn’t know where that left him.

On prom night, Cale stayed in and watched a movie with his mom and his brother. He went to bed early, hoping that when he woke up the next day, he’d have figured something out about his future. There wasn’t much that he could control, but he was going to try.

***

“Cale?” 

Cale was shaken awake by his brother Jason. The room was still dark and the clock beside his bed said 1:30am. “Jase, what?” Cale mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“There’s something at the window,” Jason whispered, tugging Cale’s sleeve to pull him out of bed and across the room.

“We’re on the third floor,” Cale said. When he looked out, he saw Nate on the ground below the window. He threw a rock that pinged off the window and, when he saw Cale, he waved. “Shit,” Cale said, tripping over his feet as he fumbled for a pair of shorts, a hoodie, and his slides. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

He headed outside and found Nate standing on the front porch in his tux, the top buttons of his shirt and his bow tie undone. “Hey,” Nate smiled. “Did I wake you?”

“Yeah, you did,” Cale smiled and leaned in for a kiss. “Is prom over?” 

Nate shrugged. “I guess. There’s an after-party but I wanted to come see you.” Nate leaned down to pick up the six-pack of beer at his feet. “Wanna take a walk with me?”

They walked down the hill and Nate led them toward the lacrosse stadium at Ridge Valley High. They jumped the fence and crossed the field to the stands, sitting so they could look out across the dark stadium, the place where they met and where they had spent the past few months. 

“It sucks that we only got to play one season together,” Nate said, cracking open a beer and handing it to Cale before opening his own. “I know if we had one more year together that we could make it to state finals.”

“Well, now you have NCAA championships to look forward to,” Cale said, taking Nate’s hand and squeezing it.

“You know,” Nate said, turning to look at Cale, “if you came to Duke, we could play together again.”

“I mean, maybe,” Cale said, his heart already sinking at what he knew he’d have to do. 

“I could wait two years for you and then after I graduate, I can go to business school in North Carolina until you graduate,” Nate said, his voice excited, like he was figuring it all out. “And then when you’re done, we can go wherever. Maybe out west? Colorado or something?”

“Nate,” Cale cautioned. “That’s six years from now, with you waiting around for me for four of them.” Cale was also thinking about how he had two more years at Ridge Valley - two long years that he didn't want to spend pining over Nate in secret and worrying about what Nate was doing while he was far away. If Cale did end go to Duke, how was he to know if Nate would even want to still be with him after all that separation? That Nate wouldn't meet someone new and have a whole new life without Cale. He was only 16 and Nate was 18. Who knew where either of them would be - physically, emotionally - in half a decade or more.

“So?” 

“So, I don’t want that for you. For either of us. I want you to go to college and date a bunch of people and not be tied to someone far away, you know? You’ve had to hide who you are for long enough. You deserve to live your life.”

“I...I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Nate said, his face pale in the wan light of the moon.

"I'm saying that when you leave in August-"

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Cale looked down at his hands but his eyes were already swimming with tears. He looked up at Nate and Nate's face crumpled. 

"No, Cale no." He pulled Cale into a hug, his face pressed into Cale’s hair. “I don’t want that. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Cale whispered, his heart breaking at Nate's sobs. “But I think this is for the best. For both of us. It'll be okay.”

“It won’t, Cale,” Nate said into Cale's hair. 

“I promise, it’ll be okay.”

But Cale didn’t know, couldn’t know if things would be okay. 

He didn't know that when he visited Duke for a lacrosse tryout the next year, he’d meet Nate’s boyfriend Tucker, a tall first baseman at UNC, and that Nate would seem happy without Cale in his life. 

He didn't know that he'd end up going to Yale on a full lacrosse scholarship, or that he'd play lacrosse for two years with Gabe and pledge his fraternity.

And he most certainly didn't know that, a year after graduating from Yale, Cale would go to a party at Gabe’s apartment and find Nate standing alone by the drinks table, all broad shoulders and sky blue eyes. That they would talk until dawn. That they’d never spend another night apart. 

That they’d wake up one day in the house in Boulder, the one with a big yard for the dogs, and the phone would ring. That it would be Nate’s mom, telling him that his father had had a heart attack and passed away overnight. 

That they’d return for the memorial and to sell the house and find Ridge Valley so changed. That despite all the years that had passed, they would be back at the lacrosse stadium and the rainbow flag would be flying overhead.

In that moment on the night of Nate's prom, Cale didn't know what was ahead for either of them. So they clung to each other in the stands at the lacrosse stadium, knowing only that their time together was coming to an end and that a wide future outside Ridge Valley awaited them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments welcome.


End file.
